Michael Cox@EWBC 2010, Vienna
Southwark Cathedral
David Cox@the Wine Gang, Vinopolis November 2011
'I have lost my best friend and my other half
and I am missing you terribly.'
David Cox's tribute to his elder twin brother given at the memorial service for Michael Cox on Thursday 10th April 2014:
"Actually, I shouldn’t be here. Just a few weeks before Michael died and
during an emotional discussion about his fate, I said “is there anything I can
do”? He gave me a sideways look, did
that ‘raised eyebrow’ thing that he was known for and with a serious tone said
“well, we’ve done pretty much everything together in life and so the least you
can do is come with me when I go”.
I said, hmmm…. OK but I reminded him that I was born 7
minutes after him and so I would be 7 minutes behind him but, I did also say…….er…….don’t
look over your shoulder! This type of
remark of his became a bit of a trademark in the latter days of his illness and
he called it his ‘gallows humour’, a phrase coined by his dear friend and
ex-colleague, Guy Wilkes, who worked at Negociants UK and who died, like
Michael, way sooner than he should have.
Whether it was his sometimes dark, self-mocking jokes about
his predicament towards the end or whether it was his always witty and
perfectly judged jokes during formal speeches or whether it was his downright
corny jokes during family gatherings, humour was always there with
Michael.
As so many of his friends and colleagues will attest, it was
his warmth and charm, his witty twinkle-in-the-eye humour that endeared him to
so many. This, plus his ability to
perform party tricks and dubious rugby club games even when in the most
esteemed of company. Although, I am not sure that quite stretched to showing
her Majesty The Queen how to ‘drop the penny’ when greeting her as Swan Warden
at The Vintners’ Company. But it was
those party tricks, sometimes sporting a very dodgy leopard-skin G-string
(don’t ask), amongst so many other attributes, that appealed to the Aussies
when he worked with Yalumba before his years with Wines of Chile. The Aussies adored his Pommie ways and
traditions, his love of sport, his respect for hard work and he loved their
‘gung-ho, let’s take on the world and win attitude and their quick acerbic wit.
They could have just called him ‘a great bloke’ but instead it was Robert
Hill-Smith, the owner of Yalumba who first gave him the moniker ‘Lord Ucker of
Ukerdom’.
But is that it? Just
a witty, charming and playful chap? No,
there was so much more to this man. I
should know. I’ve known him longer than
anyone. You see, we shared a room
together even before we were born! Yes,
he used to tease me about how much more of the amniotic fluid he got but it
must have been a pretty good vintage because he became a man who managed to be
quite a legend. Michael in his lifetime really
has gained the respect, the admiration and the love of all who came into
contact with him. Certainly this applies
to Lynne, to his children, Jocie and Henry and to his sister Susan and brother
Andrew and definitely to me.
There were common phrases used by so many in the hundreds of
letters, cards, emails and event tweets that were sent after his death in
February.
'A rare man'
'An inspiration'
'A life force'
'One of the most influential and passionate advocates in a
generation'
'The trade has lost one of its pillars'
And I did love Simon Legge’s typically idiosyncratic, cricketing
analogy - “Some occupy the crease for a
long time but achieve very little but Michael’s swashbuckling innings turned so
many heads and achieved so much”
Many also mentioned their admiration for his fitness, his
determination and drive, his sartorial elegance and style. In fact the tributes were so effusive I did
hear Lynne say the other day “crikey, they obviously didn’t ever see him in his
slobby tracky bottoms being exceedingly grumpy”!
But knowing Michael has left us richer. However, I’m not sure I can say the same for
his ability to become rich. During his
days at Prep School, aged about nine, he wrote a letter to his parents
saying…..and this is the actual letter!
“Dear Mum & Dad, I am writing today, Tuesday, because
tomorrow I have no time because I am doing woodwork. Yesterday I sold my ‘E’ Type for 2/- to
Allsop (a boy) when it only cost 1/9, so I made 3d profit! Today I got 80/80 for a Latin Test!”
If only he had kept that business sense! Many years later, Michael actually became the
proud owner of an extremely smart red ‘E’ Type Jaguar. Ironically when he sold
it he made a rather heavy loss.
Speaking of school days reminded me that when we were both
due to attend nursery school, they only had one place available and so for a
full term we went on alternate days. The
teachers had no idea which Cox twin they had on any given day and even when we
did attend together, there were many times when our Sister Susan would be
called to interpret as we had developed our very own ‘twin’s language’ which
no-one else could understand.
Now, years later we remember Michael for his generosity,
both in terms of his commitment to increasing charitable giving through the
Vintners’ Foundation and indeed to my own charity, The Benevolent, but also his
generosity in mentoring people. He was
always ready to give sage advice to younger members of the trade. He has been an exceptional mentor to his
wonderful children, Jocie and Henry, who although they now have to face life
without their father, at least they have this incredible role model as a beacon
for them. A beacon of integrity,
humility and bravery.
I know how they feel because Michael has taught me so much
too. I came slightly later into the wine
trade when I joined our family firm, Matthew Clark some 17 years after
him. I never minded that he was better
known, more knowledgeable, more popular because most of the time people thought
that I was him anyway! I remember one
time when I was supervising a young National Account Manager to an appointment
with the very glamorous but formidable Angela Mount who was then the buyer at
supermarket chain Somerfield. I had
never met her before but upon entering her office she leapt up and kissed me on
both cheeks, certainly impressing my sales guy until Angela rather sheepishly
said “you’re not Michael are you”?
I suppose this tribute would be incomplete if I failed to
make some reference to Michael’s antics, or some would say, prowess on the
dance floor. About 30 years ago Michael
sustained a particularly nasty injury whilst Club Captain of Mill Hill Rugby
Club, and the doctor treating Michael’s injury said that he would never be able
to dance properly again………and he was right!
But seriously, this does not appear to be a view shared by 99% of the
female population and, if I am honest, whilst the two of us could throw some
pretty impressive moves on the dance floor, he was the King by a long shot.
Less Lord Ucker, more Lord of the Dance.
Michael, your wonderful wife, your loving family and your
multitude of friends and colleagues are going to miss you. I have lost my best friend and my other half
and I am missing you terribly. You have
shown me many things but recently you have shown me how to hug. Amazingly, over all those years the two of us
used to greet each other with a typically British hand shake but over the last
few months this was replaced by an extremely rewarding man-hug. Mind you, if you knew the vice-like grip of Michael’s
hand shake, you will know that a hug is actually a lot less painful!
I want to end by quoting the last four lines from a poem
that I read at Michael’s funeral service last month entitled ‘He is Gone’.
'You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on
You can cry, close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes,
love and go on.'
Michael Cox@EWBC 2011 in Brescia
Those with sharp eyes will recognise David
sitting on the right side of Michael
